Cross Country

It would be a crime if I never talked about my sport. So I figured now would be the perfect moment to take some time to share my experience so far with the wonderful sport of cross country. Take a seat and get ready for a whole lot of crazy. I have so much to say. Brace yourselves.

Now, most people seem to either respect XC runners, or think that we are completely insane. In all honesty, I don't think I necessarily disagree with the second opinion. If you don't run cross, it's so hard to truly understand it and the runners or as some of you may say "cult members." Anyway, some days I would actually question myself as to why I do this sport, why I put my body through this. Frankly, it sucks so much of the time. Running that hard workout, or running yourself dead for those 3.1 miles does seem absolutely ridiculous most of the time. And on top of that, you're not really ever guaranteed to get your best time or run your best race. So what's the point? You put yourself through a few hard minutes of pain for it to not always pay off in the end? You force your body to do things that sometimes I think bodies should not be able to do. Yep, great sport. I'm sure I've got you all sold by now. But don't go anywhere! I have not even made my real point yet!

As wonderful as that all sounded, that part is so minor and insignificant when I think of cross. Sound weird? I believe it. How can something so miserable not be the first thing I think about? For me, it's a simple answer that can be explained in one word. Team. I guess you could say TenKate has rubbed off on me just a little. Yes, my team. The forty-some other people who are just as crazy as I am. The people who I'm really just a big, goofy family with. They are the first thing I think about.
Sophomore year was my first season of high school cross country. Choosing to run cross  was one of the best decisions I could have ever made for myself. It was what helped me really begin to gain more confidence in myself. Everyone on the team was so accepting and cool. They all welcomed me into their family. I never felt judged because they were all just as weird and out there as I was. So I had finally found my people. I know I will have more to say about my team later on, but back to the running part. I may have mislead you just a little bit. It is hard work, you'll be sore and tired for a large percent of the time. Your toes might bleed, you may feel sick after or during a race. But hear me when I say this, it is also one of the most rewarding things you can do. Reaching a goal or getting a PR (personal record) is so exciting, especially when you have set that goal not knowing if you'd reach it, but still putting in the work, putting in the miles to get to that point. Even if you don't get the time you hoped for, finishing the race is a huge accomplishment. This past season I had my first experience with an injury and this threw me so low into the dumps about cross. I was not out for the rest of the season but coming back into it was almost more frustrating than not being able to run at all because I was no where near where I should have been. It was the hardest thing for me to see the people who I had been running with before my injury be so far ahead of me in races and never being able to keep up with them. And even though he hadn't, I felt like my coach had given up on me as a runner because he had always challenged me and worked me harder than I thought I was capable of because he told me how much potential he saw in me. I began to doubt my running ability in general but everyone on the team was so encouraging and supportive of me. It would have been so much easier to quit cross all together if I didn't have a team like this one. I didn't dread having to stay after school and I actually looked forward to most practices and knowing that I would get to spend time with people that I liked so much made those seven repetitive hours of school just a little more bearable. I became especially close with a number of the girls on the team and we began to hang out outside of cross. We were stupid together, but almost everything could end in deep discussion and we were able to open up to each other and cry together. I felt so safe with all of them and trusted them with everything. They all said words and gave advice when it was needed, but they were also always willing to just listen or let me cry when I needed to cry. A year ago, my parents and I were deciding if I was going to stay at Calvin or not. I truly believe that one of the reasons God kept me there is so that I could experience this with these people. I formed friendships with people who had before just been students I had  really only seen around school.  Everyone on the team is incredible and I'm so thankful for each and every one of them.

It has not totally set in yet that I have one last season of this, and I'm not sure it will for a while. One last season for the typical shenanigans, one last time to hear TenKate say "Time to wake up ladies, it's a great day to run" Or something of that sort at camp, One more time to run the muscle mile ( can't say I'm bummed about that) With all these lasts going by, I will find myself being a senior leader, being in the middle of the circle when we do core, being the oldest one on the team. Not sure how I feel about this yet. Considering that I did not get to where I wanted to running wise this season, I could say that I'm ready to train my butt off for one last season, I'm ready to run for Jesus, I'm ready to lead my team. I can't promise perfection, but I can promise that I'm ready to try and be the best I can possibly be. I will try my hardest to not lead you all astray :) but you must be willing to bare with me. Just because I'll be a senior does not mean some of you young-ins can't set me straight from time to time. We're all a team, no person has more value than another. I'm ready for one last season, and as always, I plan to make my exit with a bang. Are you ready for this? 

The First Attempt

New Year? New beginning. let's try this.

I have wanted to try blogging for such a long time, but I have excused myself from it with words such as "I have nothing interesting to say" "I'm boring" "I can't get my words out" But I have finally given in. I am coming to realize that no one is boring. We all have a story and something extraordinary to say. My life has been anything but uneventful and boring. I will try my hardest to blog at least once a week-maybe more. We'll see what inspires me. I'm sure we'll get somewhere, maybe...hopefully. I hope this becomes an inspiration and help to you as I try and sort through my thoughts by writing them out. I'm sure I will learn a lot about myself as I do this, and my hope is that you will take something out of this, too. I'm willing to try to make this go somewhere. I can't always promise some beautifully, well-written, put together words. Sometimes it may just be my messy thoughts, but that's okay too. I hope you're ready. 

Changes

 I will start by saying that I have the best family, really. We all have our set of issues, just like any family. But they're family. Obviously, I am the youngest of three. Not being super close in age to my siblings was always difficult for me. It was hard and at times impossible for me to relate to them and naturally as the youngest, I was often the butt of most jokes and picked on, a lot of times I may have deserved it. I was not always easy to live with and sometimes this still applies. Any of my family members could tell you this firsthand. So, as I was saying. I hated being the youngest because my brother and sister moved out while I still had plenty of years of having to live at home. One thing to know about me is that I have an immensely difficult time dealing with changes and adjustments-possibly more than the average person. It takes me an incredibly long time and even then I can't always fully accept a change. This year has been a huge year for me because most of it has been change. In fact, this has been the most hectic, crazy, stressful, different year for me. But it has also been the most fun and I have been blessed and given so many opportunities. The first huge change was that after almost 5 years of not living at home, my sister moved back. Of course before it actually took place, I was ecstatic. I would finally have a sibling again and maybe get some of my youth back ( My mom thinks that living only with her and my dad made some of their old age rub off on me. HA) My mom warned me that having my sister back home might not be as glamorous as I was expecting, and that we would all have to work together to have the best experience we could. Take note of this because I don't say these things often..My mom was 120% accurate and then some. Her living here has been one of the most challenging experiences, for all of us. Each day she lived here, I realized that I had actually liked being the only child here. I think God is testing our family, and me personally. This is by far the biggest adjustment I have ever had thrown at me and more often than not I just want an escape. I always feel like I have reached my last straw and any inkling of patience that I had left. But this being the first time I have actually reflected on this experience, I realize that it is selfish of me to think I am the only one having a hard time with this. My sister spent last year teaching abroad in Honduras. I can't even imagine the emotions she went through- packing up everything and leaving the life she loved. I hope one day I can have the courage that has been so evident in her. It's selfish of me to act like I am the only one with a lot on my plate. We're all trying to get through this new life we have together, as well as balancing everything else going on in our own individual lives. This is how it's supposed to be right now. God wanted us together and there is something bigger in store for all of us. Pray for us as we continue to take it one day at a time. Pray that I may have the right attitude and be as positive as I possibly can, and that I won't go into everyday feeling bitter. I can do this. I know it.