Not Just My Way Of Procrastinating

Right now, I should be studying for exams.... 

But I am itching to blog. I need to get something out. I didn't exactly have intentions to blog tonight so I'm hoping the words just come to me. On the topic of exams, I feel that school would be an appropriate subject to base this on. As I've said before, school has been anything but easy for me. It's been the biggest struggle for me and I've spent the majority of my years in school frustrated. "I know I should understand this, but I just don't, and I'd feel stupid saying that I don't get it." "How is school so easy for all these people?"
These thoughts surround me. I feel as though there is a wall in my head blocking off information from reaching my brain. I've felt trapped and it would come to a point where I didn't even know how to ask questions. I was too lost to even try and sort out my thoughts and get my words out. I didn't understand anything and I had and still have trouble communicating that to my teachers. I go to a really great school with really caring and passionate teachers. My school is filled with students who are very academically gifted. every school has these students but I think it causes me to feel more out of place at my school because of the small size of it. Don't get me wrong, no one ever makes me feel dumb and I really do appreciate the people at my school. I am thankful for the many friendships I have made and strengthened there. sometimes I just think people have a difficult time understanding that school is hard for some students, as I have a difficult time understanding how school could be so easy for some. Now, I also may not be giving myself enough credit here. In general, I have gotten pretty good grades. But I am beginning to realize that there is life after high school. I believe that I am gifted in many other areas and that God is going to use me for incredible things. I don't know what this life after high school holds for me, but even if I'm not always verbalizing this or even thinking it, I think this hope is what keeps me going everyday. What causes me drag myself out of bed at 6 AM and sometimes struggle through an entire day but not give up. I mean, if I didn't believe in this hope, I'm sure it'd be almost impossible to still be going to school. This is where I am right now. I may complain about it being a waste of my time, and in all honesty, I still think this at times. But when I can take the time to truly reflect on it all, I know that I'm supposed to be here right now. I am halfway through my junior year. I have a year and a half left to hold on yet. I've made it this far. You're wrong if you think I'm going to give up at this point. Just watch me. I will be amazing.